A Political History Lesson

A Political History Lesson

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gath= erers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the c= oast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
     1. The invention of beer, and
     2. The inv= ention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the cata= lyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
     1. Liberals
     2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of a= griculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our e= arly humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night wh= ile they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live o= ff the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became kn= own as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservati= ves provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symboliz= ed by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the Elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the most stubborn and ignorant animal on earth, the Jackass. =

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer = white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well = done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter = rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for<= span style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> their women. Conservatives a= re big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, = and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own compani= es hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and d= ecide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlight= ened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of tryin= g to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in Political World History.......

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily resp= ond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservat= ive will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off....